How To Overcome Your Fear Of NO

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You know the feeling. You’re about to reach out to a prospect to make “the ask.”

Your stomach is a little queasy. A drop of sweat trickles down your forehead.

The fear of the dreaded NO is something that consumes far too much of your mental space.

But does it have to be that way?

I don’t think so.

This is how you can both increase the probability of getting a Yes while simultaneously releasing your fear of a No.

Full Transcript

Hey, it’s Adrian. And I want to talk to you about probably all of our least favorite word in the human language. The word, no. I am a parent. I have three young kids and I definitely am very aware of the fact that they do not like hearing the word “No”. They are experts at persistence and overcoming the word “No”. And as adults, I think we get much more afraid and much more conditioned to try to avoid that word and in, so doing, what do we do? We make up stories about why somebody is going to say no. And we say no on their behalf, before we ever even pick up the phone and ask them something or ask them for something. And we talk ourselves out of the conversation because we are trying to keep ourselves safe from that word “No”. And so if that resonates for you, put the word safe in the comments.

Cause I have a feeling that I am not alone on that sort of feeling and that sort of basis. Hey Steve bathroom. Good to see you brother. And “no” is just one of these things that is, it’s hard to hear it and it can be discouraging. And it’s so easy at times to have this sense of I’m going to put myself out there, I’m going to go for it. And then I hear the word. No, and I just I’m deflated. And it takes me a while to get back on the horse. And maybe I take a little bit longer or I take the day off, or I do whatever I do busy work, or I go and I hang out on a training or I do something that makes me busy, but maybe not productive and not moving my business forward because I am afraid.

So Kofi, thanks for dropping that in there. I I’m glad that that resonates for you. And so I want to give you a little framework for how I think about no and how this might help you. So I am, there’s a book out there called “Go For No”. I’m oversimplifying that book. That book is not about trying to get as many people as possible to say no to you. It’s about how to overcome your fear of the no, which I agree with, but I hate the word “No.” I want to have the highest batting average possible. I want to increase my likelihood of getting a yes to as high of a level as humanly possible. So on one hand, I want to get to where I am highly confident in the likelihood of receiving a yes, when I’m making an ask. But on the other hand, I need to get rid of the fear of hearing a “No”.

And so how do I do that? How can I get better at that? And I’ll be the first to say, I’m not perfect at this, right? This is a process for all of us. We are in a process of getting better and trying to learn how to implement these things and how to be more effective. But here’s something that has helped me. So number one is I want to minimize the likelihood that the other person’s going to say no to me. So how do I do that? Number one is I need to understand who that person is. I need to understand what it is that that person is trying to achieve. I need to understand what it is that is meaningful to that person. And I don’t, it’s not going to take me forever to get to the answer to those things, but I’m going to spend some time having a conversation with them.

I’m maybe going to spend some time on their social media, looking a little bit at what they’re up to and what they seem to care about. I want to have a sense of that. And so that’s number one, and it’s super, super important. I would say it’s a highly under valued skill to build. And it’s something that most people pass over because frankly, either they’re too scared or they’re too busy, some combination of those two things. And so if you would like some help in how to really understand what it is that somebody is trying to achieve so that you can ask the right kind of questions and minimize the likelihood of no. What I want you to do is put the word guide in the comments and I will send you a free copy of a guide that we put together on how to have better conversations.

That’s a number one bestseller on Amazon. So we sell it on Amazon. I’d be happy to send you a PDF copy of it for free, and you can check that out. So put guide in the comments, if you would like to receive that for free, but we can help you to ask better questions so that you understand what the other person is trying to achieve. So that’s number one, you got to have a really clear understanding of what that other person is trying to achieve. Number two is when it comes time to make an ask, your job is to figure out how can I clearly intersect? How can I clearly connect what it is that I’m asking this person to do to what they care about and how they win. So I want to put those two things together as clearly as possible. So that when I make that ask that I really believe that I have, I I’m serving you by making that ask, because I know what you’re after.

And what I’m essentially doing is selling you what you have already told me you want to buy, I’m connecting, whatever it is that I’m offering to what it is that you’re looking for. When those two things intersect together, when they overlap together, why would the person say no? Because now you are actually giving them exactly what they have told you they want to receive. And so Ronno awesome. I will, I’ll get that to you right after we wrap this up the free guide. And so again, I need to understand what it is that you want to achieve. I need to learn how to identify that in conversation. Maybe I’m going to do a little background research prior to the conversation. And then I need to think about what it is that I have to offer and how can I connect those two things together so that you can receive what I’m offering and asking you as a win for you.

So that’s number two. Number three is once I have done that now I don’t have to be afraid of the no anymore, because here’s what happens when I’m in that place. I have incredibly high conviction that I genuinely am serving them by making this request or asking you to take a look at this thing. I know that I know what you need. I know what I have in the value of it. I see the intersection of those two things. And I’m offering it in a way that is low pressure. That is not something that feels like a scam or a pitch or a trap or whatever, right? It’s like, Hey, I think this is, I think this would be great for you based on this specific thing that you said or that I’ve seen about you. I think you’d love it. Would you be open?

Would you take a look? Would you like to try it out? Whatever that is. So it’s as simple as doing that. And so now once that’s happened, that doesn’t mean that you’re never going to get a no, right? So I might offer you the most valuable thing in the world. I might offer you something amazing that I know is going to serve you. And what I can’t know is maybe you have a huge scarcity mindset. Maybe you are going, you have so many opportunities. You have such an abundance of opportunity coming to you right now that no matter how good something is, you just don’t have time to take on one more thing. Maybe like there’s, there’s a whole host of things that could be going on for you that I couldn’t know about that are, the timing is not right, whatever it is. And that’s okay.

And my job is to not get attached and to not make it mean something about me. And to be confident that in offering that to you, that I really did desire to serve you and to create a win-win. And if it’s not for you right now, that’s totally cool. And I’m still want to be your friend. I still like you, that I’m not going to get weird. I’m not going to let you get weird. We’re just going to move on in our relationship. And I’m still going to stay in touch. I’m still gonna love on you every couple of months when my Contact Mapping app reminds me to do that. And that’s all it is. So here’s, here’s the recipe. I’ve got to know what you want. I’ve got to know how what I have connects to what you want. And then I’ve got a disengage in disattach from the outcome, because if those two first things are true, then the outcome at the end is it’s just as so much less important.

Thank you so much, Pamela. Good to see you. So it’s as simple as that. And so here’s the last thing I’ll say, like I said, you’re going to, you’re going to become a master of this. You’re gonna learn, turn what people are up to and what they’re after you’re going to use that guide. I mentioned earlier. Yeah, you’re going to start learning all this stuff. And sometimes you’re going to learn that the timing isn’t right record. And remember what you learned about that person anyway, because it’s going to come in handy later when something shifts and now all of a sudden, and the conversation is the timing’s right. The offer’s right, whatever that looks like. And so how are you going to do that? The way you’re going to that is you need a tool. That’s going to help you to remember all these conversations, right?

Because otherwise, how am I going to keep track of what Pamela told me in a text message the other day, versus what Bocar is telling me versus what Steve bathroom up in Seattle, Washington. Who’s an amazing school teacher and this awesome entrepreneur is telling me, how am I going to keep all that stuff straight? When I’m talking to hundreds of people, it’s just not going to work anymore. And I’m not going to have it there in the moment. I need a tool to help me do that. And so if you would like to learn about how you can have a tool where you never forget anybody, where you remember these important things, and it reminds you to remember them and to come back to them and to love on them and to play back to them, their greatness so that when their timing changes, they think of you first and they’re ready to engage.

They want to call you. I have something that will blow your mind. And so if that’s you, and you could use a tool to help you put the word tool in the comment, please don’t write “you’re a tool” or I’ll feel very bad, but put the word tool in the comment. And I would love to share with you something that you can get started on completely for free. It will knock your socks off. I genuinely know that to be true. And so here’s the final breakdown, right? Know exactly what that other person is trying to achieve so that you can speak into that connect what you have to offer to what they are trying to achieve. So that is a win-win and they can hear it as such and then three don’t get attached to the outcome because if those first two things are true, then number three will take care of itself in the long run. And you’re still going to have a great relationship either way. So you haven’t lost anything. So hope that’s helpful. If it was tag somebody or share this hope to be able to serve you and to grow together, have an awesome weekend. I’ll talk to you soon. Bye-Bye.